i wish you were online right now, or first class was working, because I want to tell you that you can now "poke" our favorite (or least favorite) girl.
she makes me way sad now. so sad, that I sometimes feel like crushing things. like really large rocks. with my teeth.
but I guess god (or amida, or avalotishvera... don't know how to spell her name, but you know whom I'm referring to) is just telling me I need to concentrate on school work, rather than on silly, immature things. I really want to believe that god wants the best for me, but I've screwed up and shook my fist at him too many times. how is he suppose to love me back, when I've already put a strain on our relationship? maybe i should just join a cloistered community.
what do you do when you're sad? sometimes I just stop eating. other times I over-eat, and try to stuff away my misery and devastation. sometimes I find a happy medium and just binge; eat a lot, then starve myself the next day. but there is no winning when it comes to food. I know i can never get a tatoo, because when I'm old, I'll be fat, and the tatoo will look terrible because my skin will be sagging.
there isn't one reason why I'm sad, but I suppose the main reason is rejection. rejection coming from many people, forces, and perhaps a certain higher being.
this entry has become inappropriate for leathergloves, but I will continue to post it nonetheless, because of the content in the first paragraph. but typing out that first paragraph is what suddenly made me conscious of the sadness I tried to escape an hour ago.
that is all.